Not Child-Centered

Being child-centered isn't about any single activity. Being child-centered is about an inappropriate shift of responsibility and decision-making power to the child.

When you begin to look to your child for how to live your life, you have become child-centered, whether this takes the form of curtailing your activities because of fear your baby will cry, or spending your entire day entertaining him, or permitting a 6 yo's screaming fits to determine whether or not you go to the store or leave the store or when you leave the store.

Even this description feels inadequate to me. I know child-centered when I see it, but when I start to describe it, it begins to sound as if the individual activities are the problem, when they are not.

This is a perfect example, in my opinion, of what it means to not be child-centered.

I was at the YMCA with my children for our weekly swim. Two girls, about six years old, had just finished their lessons and were playing together in the pool. Their mothers were sitting on a bench at the side of the pool. From the way they were talking, I suspect they are good friends in the outside world (rather than folks who just met at the pool).

One of the women had a younger child with her, around 2 years old. Little one was quite attracted to the pool. She would wander over to the edge. Her mother would get up, come over to her and support her body while she kicked her feet in the water or walked up and down the steps. She was also very interested in the slide (into the pool)...she would go over and head up the ladder, her mother held her hand until the top and then would take her off. At one point the girl headed over to the whirlpool...same thing there. Sometime during the hour before they left, little one climbed up for a lengthy nursing session. Her desires to explore, splash, nurse, etc. were supported by her mother.

Not once, during this entire time, did the mother speak to her daughter or look directly at her. She never stopped her conversation with her friend. Frequently, she would walk over to the ladder or the pool with her head turned completely sideways. Then she'd squat down, bouncing the little girl in the water, with her head turned over to her shoulder. She did not interrupt her own activities or focus on her daughter, yet she remained completely in tune with her daughter's activities and desires.

This, to me, is what it means not be child-centered: to move through your life, engaging in your own activities and work, and caring for your infant or toddler in the same way that you brush your hair out of your eyes and tuck it behind your ear...in a natural, instinctive way that doesn't require your focus and attention.

TCCMaven

Not Child-Centered